Gender and Money: Do Men and Women Deal With Finances Differently?

September 13, 2007 · Filed Under · 8 Comments 

Men and WomenThere seems to be some common assumptions when it comes to how men and women view money and finances in the United States. Here are a couple generalizations that I have heard over the years and I often wonder how true they really are.

#1 – Women are nurturers and tend to focus on current needs and view money as a way to meet those needs for the family. Men on the other hand, since the days of cavemen have been hard-wired to provide and protect, and deal with money in terms of capturing and accumulating in order to provide security.

My Thoughts – This generalization seems to fit my marriage. But I think it has more to do with circumstance than some predisposition. My wife is a stay-at-home Mom and does all the shopping/buying to run the household day-to-day so she rarely has time to sit in the office and leisurely look at our IRA information or our retirement plan. If I were to become a stay-at-home Dad, I think this mindset would be quickly reversed. As a matter of fact, I know she would welcome the opportunity to sit at our computer for an hour a week with a latte and analyze our savings and retirement accounts!

#2 – Ruth Hayden, author of For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples states that “Women are the collectors of stuff. Women do the clothes. Women are taught that what they need to get through life is approval. They have to look good, act good, be good.” She then sums up men by stating, “When men go shopping, they expect that whatever they’re shopping for to ‘get fixed,’ because men are supposed to fix stuff. They don’t want to be part of the process.”

My Thoughts – This one is tricky for me. As the name of this blog implies, I do like to shop, just not at full price. Call me a frugal metrosexual. But as I stated earlier, I don’t do the day-to-day shopping for our family. From conversations about this with my wife I know she at times feels like she is put in a ’stay-at-home mom’ box where society and consumerism are always trying to steer her one way or another. Telling her what she really needs to meet the so called ’standards’ of motherhood and womanhood.

I welcome your thoughts!

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Comments

8 Responses to “Gender and Money: Do Men and Women Deal With Finances Differently?”

  1. dong on September 13th, 2007 9:07 am

    I definitely think men and women differ when it comes to finances. I think almost all it is learned. One thing that cofounds me is how women in general are less willingly to talk about money with their peers in my experience especially salary information. I think learning the details of how other people deal with money is incredibly useful.

  2. Kyle on September 13th, 2007 2:47 pm

    Hi Dong -thanks for the comment. Interesting, why do you think it is that women are less likely to talk about money and salary? Is it because men tend to try and boost their own ego by bragging about salary where women keep it private?

  3. Black Belt Mama on September 14th, 2007 8:25 am

    I agree with you that women and men approach things differently. My husband and I always argue (good naturedly) that he goes out and buys big ticket items without really consulting me, but if I did that. . . the shock, the horror. . .

    I’m a SAHM myself, so yeah, I’d love a latte and some time. . .

    Thanks for visiting my blog. Nice site you have here!

  4. Kyle on September 14th, 2007 11:14 am

    BBM – thanks for the comment. Interesting point, I have heard that before, (and do it myself at times) is it because he is the “bread winnner” and feels he has more of right do make a purchase without consulting?

  5. PiggyBankBlues on September 15th, 2007 8:26 pm

    i think it is mostly gender roles. just look at the blogs, there’s as many kick a$$ women as men on the pf blogs.

    a financial planner told me that with his clients, women are better investors because they listen and learn, while men assume they already know best. but to get women to the financial planning table, you would have to give them the time, as kyle pointed out, and assume they want to be there as much as a man. essentially you would have to bend the old gender roles a wee bit.

    i don’t know a lot of households where the man is the sole breadwinner, in my neck of the woods you pretty much need dual incomes, but i’m sure it would alter some dynamics in many relationships.

    interesting post, kyle.

  6. Kyle on September 15th, 2007 9:38 pm

    Excellent point PiggyBankBlues (great name)…it is interesting to me how we often get caught up in gender roles in our society. On bad days, my wife often thinks all she is capable of us changing diapers and getting the kids ready for school. Could not be farther from the truth, she is one of the smarter people I have ever known, it is just that she does not have time right now to do other things.

  7. FourPillars on September 17th, 2007 7:04 pm

    Interesting post.

    I haven’t noticed any difference in the way men and women treat finances. I know both men & women who are good, bad and average with money so I can’t say I’ve noticed any trend as far as sex goes.

    Mike

  8. Peggy on November 7th, 2007 9:29 pm

    Personally, I don’t think being a spender/miser has anything to do with gender, I think it is back to the nature vs. nurture issue, which could be eternally argued. I am a frugal individual, as are all my siblings, I think it was how we were raised. I handle all our finances BECAUSE I am the Stay-at-Home-Mom. But I always have since we were married (even before children and when I was working) just because I couldn’t handle NOT knowing where all our money was slipping through the cracks. I used to express my anger (and frustration) at him for ‘wasting’ money (in my mind at least) by doing the same thing. It took me 6 years of marriage and our finances in the toilet to realize HE DIDN’T KNOW or CARE!!!! Just because he was spending money we didn’t have didn’t mean I should just to GET EVEN!!! Glad I finally realized that I just needed to put the brakes on his spending. He was relying on me to inform him of our standing, and I didn’t want to feel like I was confining him or curtailing his options, since he made SO much more money than I did. Who was I to tell him what he could and couldn’t spend?? I was only hurting myself. We are much happier now :) and on the road to financial recovery.
    As far as the ’stay-at-home-mom box’… I love it!!! But we live in such a rural area (where there are many of us) it isn’t so much an issue. I wish it could be a positive experience (from EVERY angle) for moms in urban settings, but from what I’ve read, you would have to let the criticism and comments slide off your psyche like water off a duck’s back and just be who you are… for yourself, your spouse, and your kids….

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