5 Shopping Brain Farts

February 20, 2008 · Filed Under · 6 Comments 

To quote the great Homer Simpson, “How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?”  I have done some pretty stupid things over the course of my life. Some call them mental lapses, I call them brain farts! They often happen to me when I am shopping or buying something for some reason. Here are my top 5 brain farts!

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  1. I ordered a Big Mac from Burger King. I was about 10 years old and we were on a family vacation in Washington, I was starving and stepped up to the order lady at a Burger King and said, ”I will have a Big Mac, fries, and a coke, please.” The lady just looked at me with this blank look on her face. I think she thought I was pulling her chain. She just said “we don’t have Big Macs”. Being 10 years old, I was pretty embarrassed.
  2. XL Shirt From Ross. A couple years ago I found a long-sleeved shirt that I really liked at Ross, and being a guy, I did not try it on, just paid for it and hit the road.  A couple days later, I ripped the tags off and “tried” to put it on. Tried being the key word. You see the head hole was too small to get over my cranium. There was no give in the material, it just plain would not fit over my head. It was the weirdest thing ever. I ended up giving it to my Dad for Christmas as a gag gift. He went to try it on, and same thing, he looked like the head-less horseman.
  3. Basket Full of Groceries, No Money. When I was a senior in college I lived in a townhouse with five other guys. It was the first time I really had to do any substantial grocery shopping for myself. The first time out, I had a basket full of food, stood in line, she rang me up, and I had no wallet. Long line behind me with everyone tapping their feet and staring at me. I just said, “can I come back for these”. I wanted to dig a spider hole and hide it in for a couple hours, perhaps suck my thumb and use my shirt that would not fit over my head as my ‘blankee’.
  4. Mr. Goodwrench (NOT!!!). I had just started dating my wife when this brain fart occurred. We were both seniors in college, and just before Christmas my family had rented a cabin up in Lake Tahoe for a few days. So I was driving my then girlfriend up to Lake Tahoe from the San Francisco Bay Area in her car (I can’t remember why I did not drive my car), and the roads were wet and dirty as they tend to get in the snow and her car was out of windshield cleaning fluid. I pulled over to a gas station, determined to show her my expertise in automobiles, I go into the store and reappear with a jug of cleaning fluid. Fill up her reservoir (get your mind out of the gutter), and get back in and start driving. I then activate the fluid and this thick fluorescent green stuff shoots on the windshield!!! Turns out I bought radiator fluid and was attempting to clean her car windows with it. The cat was out of the bag, she quickly learned that I am gold star member at Jiffy Lube!!
  5. Payment Optional. And by far the biggest lapse in judgement happened when I was in the 8th grade. I still cannot enter the Kmart in Capitola, California, because of it. Yes, I decided to do the “five-finger discount” with some baseball cards. And yes I got caught red-handed with a Mark McGwire rookie card in my shaking hand. Wow, did I get in trouble and I never even considered doing that again. Last time I was in Capitola, I noticed that the Kmart in question does not exist anymore. No longer could I reminisce with that big ol’ ugly store in the parking lot. It was a bitter sweet moment….

Now that I have beared my soul for all to read, it is only fair that you leave me your biggest brain farts!! Please leave a comment below!

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Comments

6 Responses to “5 Shopping Brain Farts”

  1. Mrs. Micah on February 20th, 2008 7:36 pm

    Wow. Thanks for the laugh! I’ve repressed most of my brain farts, but I’ll ponder these things and see if anything comes to mind.

  2. Amanda on February 20th, 2008 8:25 pm

    I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve gotten done grocery shopping and realized I left my debit card in the car. I usually find an empty aisle to leave my cart and hope no one sees me as I scurry out to the car and back again. So embarassing!

  3. Sophie from France on February 21st, 2008 7:13 am

    I had so many brain farts I think my brain may have turn into a fart.

  4. LJ on February 21st, 2008 11:18 am

    Funny! I feel your pain..

    How’s this for an idiotic move:

    At costco which is 30 miles from home, 4 kids, huge cart brimming with goods, get to the check out. No Costco card. I had dropped it somewhere in the ENORMOUS store.
    Oh the horror. People were lined up waiting behind me, my kids are getting fidgety and I just stood there, like Doh!
    They had to open more registers to take care of those folks lining up behind me and sent errand boys out looking for my card! 15 long long long minutes later they found it. My cheeks were red for weeks over that embarrassing fiasco!

    Take Care and thanks for the laughs and the reminder of my own sillyness!

    LJ

  5. Kyle on February 21st, 2008 3:08 pm

    @ MM, Ya’ know, repressing your farts is bad for you!!

    @ Amanda, I like the empty aisle idea, I will have to remember that one!

    @ Sophie, that sounds like a stinky situation….

    @ LJ, oh wow…people in line at Costco start glaring if you drop your pen, let alone if you lose your card somewhere! Thanks for sharing your brain fart, although with kids in a Costco, I think it is note worthy that you even made it to the checkout line!! ;-)

  6. JHS on March 2nd, 2008 2:47 pm

    Thanks for participating in this week’s Carnival of Family Life, hosted at Discussing Autism. The Carnival will be live tomorrow, so stop by and enjoy some of the other many articles contributed this week!

    Interesting in hosting? Check out the schedule at Colloquium and let me know which week interests you!

    JHS
    Colloquium

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