“Dad, Does Our “Elf on the Shelf” Have a Penis?”

December 18, 2012 by Kyle
18
comments

With three kids under the age of 12, our house often reminds me of a county fair demolition derby. I am constantly scratching my head and trying to figure out what I am witnessing in front of me. To quote the great Jack Buck from the ’88 World Series, “I don’t believe what I just saw (or heard).”

I think it’s a Christmas time thing, kids are excited about Christmas morning and school is almost out, and so their brains are a little fruit cakey. Here are 5 things that were said or done the past couple weeks in my home that left me saying under my breath “Say What???”. Drumroll please….

  • “Dad, the cat just puked under the Christmas tree.” Unfortunately, my eight year-old daughter actually said this again.
  • When my son is upset, his cuss word of choice is “Bob Saget”. True story, I can tell when he gets to a hard problem in his math homework because I hear the words “Bob Saget!” echo from his bedroom.
  • “Dad, does Jack (our Elf on the Shelf) have a penis?” Yes, my five year-old daughter said this the other day. My answer, “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not real.” In retrospect, I should have gone with “Seeing is believing honey, but since we can’t touch Jack I guess we’ll never know.”
  • “Dad, can you burp the words to Jingle Bells?” My answer, “Funny you should ask, why yes I can. Hit it!”
  • “Dad, can Santa Claus have kids of his own,” My wife rolled her eyes at me when I told my 11-year old son, “I think so, as long as his chestnuts aren’t completely roasted.”

Jack Update: Elf on the Shelf

Our buddy Jack left us a special treat this morning! My kids were stunned to say the least.

What have you heard or seen around your home that makes you stop and say “Say What”?

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Comments

18 Responses to ““Dad, Does Our “Elf on the Shelf” Have a Penis?””

  1. Glen @ Monster Piggy Bank on December 19th, 2012 5:33 am

    I love your post, it’s had me laughing so hard my wife had to come down and read what was so funny.

    I love your son’s choice of cuss word. I can see me going around bob sagetting at everyone!

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  2. akbjroberts on December 19th, 2012 8:12 am

    LOL. I have never had kids, but you almost make me wish I had! Funny stories……

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  3. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 8:35 am

    I’ll tell ya what, never a dull moment that’s for sure!

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  4. Greg@ClubThrifty on December 19th, 2012 12:22 pm

    Ha! You had me at the title! My 3 year-old recently told everybody at my family’s Christmas gathering that “Someday, we will all die.” Yup…sure did…

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  5. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 12:35 pm

    @ Greg- LOL, awkward much. Kids crack me up, especially at the age when they have absolutely no filter. Thanks for coming by!

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  6. daniel on December 19th, 2012 12:51 pm

    My 5 year old says such crazy stuff on a regular basis we refer to them as “Ciaranisms” – I wish I kept remembering to write them down more often. All kids say weird things, but the really good stuff makes other people laugh, like this.

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  7. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 12:57 pm

    @ Daniel – other people? I can barely keep a straight face most of the time which gets the “look” from my lovely wife!

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  8. Mike on December 19th, 2012 1:42 pm

    I am going to use the Bob Saget thing. It really sounds like a bad word too.

    -M

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  9. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 1:46 pm

    @ Mike – LOL, I know. A few of his buddies at school say it too and his teacher has banned “Bob Saget” because it was being overused which I can’t blame him for.

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  10. BloggerFather on December 19th, 2012 8:37 pm

    Oh yes, I’m stealing Bob Saget.

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  11. Mark on December 20th, 2012 12:14 am

    That’s the first time I have heard “Bob Saget” used as a cuss… funny though because of you ever go see Bob Saget’s live stand up comedy, the guy has a pretty foul mouth.

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  12. Miss T @ Prairie Eco-Thrifter on December 20th, 2012 7:12 am

    I love these. They are hilarious. I don’t have kids yet but when I do I am sure I will have a list to share just like this.

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  13. Joanna @ Our Freaking Budget on December 20th, 2012 8:24 am

    Haha, I love it. With responses like that, your kids are never going to quit asking questions! And what is it with kids and latching on to anatomically-correct terms? My five-year-old niece has had a recent fascination with the term “scrotum”….

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  14. Gillian @ Money After Graduation on December 20th, 2012 9:07 am

    Oh my goodness. So funny, why do pets need to vomit everywhere? Seriously ! And I love the Bob Saget swear word.

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  15. Kyle on December 20th, 2012 10:35 am

    @ BloggerFather – It’s all yours 😉

    @ Mark – I haven’t seen him live but saw him HBO and yeah, he was surprisingly “blue”.

    @ Miss T – Looking forward to your list someday!

    @ Joanna – It just kinda rolls of your tongue doesn’t it?

    @ Gillian – I know right? And of course it is like the hardest place in the house to try and clean it up, darn near knocked the tree over!

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  16. Michelle on December 20th, 2012 11:19 am

    I say it all the time…my kids are accidentally hilarious. I see that yours are as well! Glad to know that Jack has a willy…:)
    Michelle recently posted…Great Part-time Jobs For Busy ParentsMy Profile

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  17. Kim@Eyesonthedollar on December 22nd, 2012 8:58 am

    Well our elf has been determined to be a girl. I guess there is a little gender confusion with the body suit and all, so she certainly does not have a penis. Funny!
    Kim@Eyesonthedollar recently posted…My Best Financial Tip: Stop Being AfraidMy Profile

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  18. Kyle on December 22nd, 2012 10:39 pm

    @ Michelle – Since I can’t touch him, I’ll never know for sure…

    @ Kim – Interesting, good to know!

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