5 Great Ways To Blow Your Tax Refund

March 5, 2013 · Filed Under Humor (Kinda), Personal Finance · 20 Comments

According to Bankrate.com, 54% off Americans plan on getting a tax refund this year. Sure, you could use the money to pay down debt or fund your retirement account, but why not live a little instead. After all, we only get one trip on this big ball so why not make the most of it. With that in mind and with the help of Amazon.com, I have done the painstaking research to find the 5 best ways to blow your tax refund this year and live life to the fullest! Without further ado, I present my findings…

1. Three-Carat Diamond Pacifier

Who doesn’t like to get their baby the best of the best, right? I may be a big proponent of finding ways to save money in the first year of your child’s life, but hey, why not splurge every once in awhile. I can’t think of anything, except for maybe a gold plated diaper, that says you REALLY love your baby like a $17k diamond pacifier. Hurry, only 3 currently left in stock. In case you are on the fence, here are a couple reviews from Amazon.com to help you with your decision.

By Rusty Shacklford: ”I bought this pacifier a few weeks ago for our son. We looked at Walmart and Target and just could not find one that really caught our eyes. This one did the trick, as soon as he starts crying we load up the car and head to our security box at the local bank to get it. As soon as it hits his mouth he stops crying! One bad thing about it is that its a bit heavy and weighs his head down a bit, and oh yea we have had numerous attempts of kidnapping, but what the hey it shuts him up. We did use his college fund to pay for it, and I did have a bit of buyers remorse for a while, but I think in the future he will be thankful that we bought it for him.”
By Unidentified User #42: ”My daughter is the most precious little unique snowflake, and she deserves only the best items no matter what the cost. Would I ever put a non-diamond encrusted binky in my snookie-wookums mouth? No I wouldn’t! My little princess will be the most fashionable baby in the trailer park that I had to move into after buying this.”

2. Your Own Bleachers

Like most people, I like a crowd cheering me on. So this 10 row bleacher set was a real no-brainer for me. I have it right outside my office window and when I do something like add a great coupon or write a very useful blog post the crowd in the bleachers goes absolutely nuts. It really has made me a more productive worker. The $12k was a small price to pay for such great moral support. A couple glowing reviews from Amazon.com…

By Laura: ”I have a very large family and we enjoy spending our free time sitting in the yard watching the neighbors. Although we had been using simple lawn furniture in the past, what made me turn to this was the quality, all aluminum construction. I was getting sick and tired of replacing cheap folding chairs that just couldn’t stand up to the 8 hour a day use.”
By M. McNully: ”I needed some bleachers for my local dog park so I could hold blood sports there. When I got the bleachers, there was some girl’s phone number underneath and half of the fifth bleacher was made of wood. Is this your “preferred” bleacher? I thought you said “all aluminum.” And who the hell is Tiffany?”

3. $82k Zenith Watch

When a $25 Timex just won’t cut the mustard, consider using a chunk of your tax return on this beauty by Zenith. I mean honesty, it is hard to pass up savings of over $63,000, right? The bad news is there is only 1 left in stock, so by the time you get around to reading this post it is probably gone, sorry. Again, a couple glowing reviews from Amazon.com users…

By Zeeshan H.: “I wasn’t going to buy this watch, but then I noticed Amazon had it with $58,000 off! What a deal. With the money I saved I purchased a brand new BMW and still had money left over for a Disney vacation. How many watches save you money to buy a car and a vacation?”
By PlaidUnicorn: “When I first bought this watch I had buyer’s remorse. How could I possibly justify spending $[...] on a watch when I drive a 1992 Ford Festiva don’t even own a home? Then the most amazing this happened. Last night I was out at a bar with some friends. I walked up to the amazingly beautiful woman, and she looked at me, then my watch, and said the most wonderful thing, “Nice Watch.” I took that opening and asked her for her number, and she laughed and told me to go away. Normally women just laugh and tell me to go away, so this was a huge improvement and worth every penny.”

4. $45k Colostomy Pouch

For over $45k, this is not your Grandfather’s colostomy bag. At least it better not be as the product page says “New”. I am amazed this only got 2 out of 5 star. The good news is, for your hard-earned $45k, you’ll be getting a box of ten pouches. So think of it as only $4,500 each. When you put it in those terms this is a screaming ”BARGAIN”. Guess what, this Amazon.com reviewers sorta agrees…

By FapMaster: “My wife bought a new pair of beige shoes but she couldn’t find a bag to match. I thought $45,021.00 was a little steep for New Image Mini Drainable 9″ Pouch that had Color Match: Green – Beige – Box, so I bought a box of used ones for $28,451.78. She was excited to finally find a bag that matched her shoes, but Hollister hadn’t drained them, and their claim of odor-free pouches was not true.”

5. A Nice, Practical, Paper Shredder

I never know exactly how long to keep financial documents. I tend to keep them way to long and the stack of papers can get overwhelming. But ever since I used last years tax refund, sold both my cars, and took out a 2nd mortgage to buy this beauty, life has been a real breeze! I throw all the papers in at once, press the big red button, stand WAY back, and wham, bam, thank you ma’am, the papers are literally disintegrated in the blink of an eye. These two Amazon.com reviewers can vouch for the power behind this beauty…

By Cantrips: “In case anyone is wondering, it works great on bodies. Spend less time in prison and more time with the family.”
By Dennis Hamblin: “This is a great disintegrator but it really should have come with a child-proof lock. We are going to miss little Byron so I can only give it 3 stars.”

Are you getting a refund this year? If so, what do you plan on doing with it! I look forward to your comments.

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Comments

20 Responses to “5 Great Ways To Blow Your Tax Refund”

KK @ Student Debt Survivor on March 5th, 2013 7:52 pm

lol. I am getting a refund this year, but I’ll likely be saving it and passing on the shredder.
KK @ Student Debt Survivor recently posted…I’m Dating a Financial Stud!

[Reply]
Kyle @ Rather-Be-Shopping.com Reply:
March 5th, 2013 at 10:28 pm
Seriously? Like the reviewer said “Spend less time in prison and more time with the family.” So worth it!

[Reply]
Kim@Eyesonthedollar on March 5th, 2013 7:58 pm

I’m so sad I’m not getting a refund. That set of metal bleachers would look great in the front yard and I could watch for the mailman and run out to get the mail with all the old timers in the neighborhood. I never can quite get a visual to bet them to the mailboxes!
Kim@Eyesonthedollar recently posted…What if I Can’t Pay My Income Taxes?

[Reply]
Kyle @ Rather-Be-Shopping.com on March 5th, 2013 10:31 pm

I am totally picturing a bunch of oldsters riding their rascals toward the boxes now, lol. Maybe next year on the bleachers.

[Reply]
John @ Frugal Rules on March 6th, 2013 9:49 am

Lol! Gotta love #4 We’re getting a refund this year, if you want to call it that…$40. We like to get as close to 0 as possible and I think we did pretty darn good this year.
John @ Frugal Rules recently posted…Things That Make Me Scratch My Head

[Reply]
Kyle Reply:
March 6th, 2013 at 10:44 am
Yeah, only $40 bucks back is pretty darn good John. No colostomy bag for you!

[Reply]
Corina Ramos on March 6th, 2013 10:51 am

The crazy thing is there are some people who will actually buy this stuff!

But I would like to know what it’s like to be able to buy whatever I want whenever I want it Just for a day, heck an hour, LOL. I’d do some serious damage in a day!

I haven’t even finished putting my receipts together, procrastination at its finest!
Corina Ramos recently posted…Tip Hero's Lucky Day Giveaway Event – A $150 Visa Gift Card Giveaway

[Reply]
Kyle Reply:
March 6th, 2013 at 11:37 am
I agree Corina, that would be a pretty fun day. I would own 2 paper destroyer and diamond pacifiers all around!

[Reply]
DC @ Young Adult Money on March 6th, 2013 11:22 am

Haha this is so awesome! I have debated (and actually half-assed attempted) to start a site that just puts up ridiculous things being sold on Amazon. This is a really entertaining post, Kyle!
DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted…Why I am reconsidering getting my MBA

[Reply]
Kyle Reply:
March 6th, 2013 at 11:35 am
Thanks David! A site like that would be a really fun read that is for sure.

I literally spent 45 minutes on Amazon.com yesterday reading through some of the reviews on these products and laughing out loud at almost all of them. Absolutely hilarious! There were many other products that could have made this list too…

[Reply]
Kelly D. on March 13th, 2013 10:13 am

LOL these are amazing!

[Reply]
Kyle Reply:
March 14th, 2013 at 3:06 pm
I know, right?

[Reply]
Brandi Price on March 13th, 2013 10:38 am

OMG these are just hilarious!

[Reply]
Melissa K on March 13th, 2013 2:01 pm

I just want to know wth actually buys this stuff!
Melissa K recently posted…Saturday, September 8th – The Wedding

[Reply]
Kyle Reply:
March 14th, 2013 at 3:06 pm
That information would probably make for another great post!

[Reply]
Maddie K. on March 18th, 2013 11:24 am

Ok, quite honestly these people that have these things listed are smoking dope or something that isn’t making them see the real world. I doubt we will be spending our tax refund on any of these. LOL.

[Reply]
Carolyn Colley on March 23rd, 2013 10:53 pm

I have not need for any of these, to me it’s really blowing it, add a beach trip there for me

[Reply]
Robert Pyszk on March 24th, 2013 8:22 am

I don’t think I’d be buying any of these. lol

[Reply]
Carrie Conley on March 24th, 2013 3:07 pm

I was not able to blow my tax refund this year….had a few bills to catch up….I cant see myself buying a diamond pacifier….

[Reply]
Angelina Rivera on March 25th, 2013 10:09 pm

Very helpful!

[Reply]

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