“Dad, Does Our “Elf on the Shelf” Have a Penis?”

December 18, 2012 by Kyle

With three kids under the age of 12, our house often reminds me of a county fair demolition derby. I am constantly scratching my head and trying to figure out what I am witnessing in front of me. To quote the great Jack Buck from the ’88 World Series, “I don’t believe what I just saw (or heard).”

I think it’s a Christmas time thing, kids are excited about Christmas morning and school is almost out, and so their brains are a little fruit cakey. Here are 5 things that were said or done the past couple weeks in my home that left me saying under my breath “Say What???”. Drumroll please….

  • “Dad, the cat just puked under the Christmas tree.” Unfortunately, my eight year-old daughter actually said this again.
  • When my son is upset, his cuss word of choice is “Bob Saget”. True story, I can tell when he gets to a hard problem in his math homework because I hear the words “Bob Saget!” echo from his bedroom.
  • “Dad, does Jack (our Elf on the Shelf) have a penis?” Yes, my five year-old daughter said this the other day. My answer, “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not real.” In retrospect, I should have gone with “Seeing is believing honey, but since we can’t touch Jack I guess we’ll never know.”
  • “Dad, can you burp the words to Jingle Bells?” My answer, “Funny you should ask, why yes I can. Hit it!”
  • “Dad, can Santa Claus have kids of his own,” My wife rolled her eyes at me when I told my 11-year old son, “I think so, as long as his chestnuts aren’t completely roasted.”

Jack Update: Elf on the Shelf

Our buddy Jack left us a special treat this morning! My kids were stunned to say the least.

What have you heard or seen around your home that makes you stop and say “Say What”?

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18 Comments on "“Dad, Does Our “Elf on the Shelf” Have a Penis?”"

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I love your post, it’s had me laughing so hard my wife had to come down and read what was so funny.

I love your son’s choice of cuss word. I can see me going around bob sagetting at everyone!

LOL. I have never had kids, but you almost make me wish I had! Funny stories……

My 5 year old says such crazy stuff on a regular basis we refer to them as “Ciaranisms” – I wish I kept remembering to write them down more often. All kids say weird things, but the really good stuff makes other people laugh, like this.

I am going to use the Bob Saget thing. It really sounds like a bad word too.


Oh yes, I’m stealing Bob Saget.

That’s the first time I have heard “Bob Saget” used as a cuss… funny though because of you ever go see Bob Saget’s live stand up comedy, the guy has a pretty foul mouth.

I love these. They are hilarious. I don’t have kids yet but when I do I am sure I will have a list to share just like this.

Haha, I love it. With responses like that, your kids are never going to quit asking questions! And what is it with kids and latching on to anatomically-correct terms? My five-year-old niece has had a recent fascination with the term “scrotum”….

Oh my goodness. So funny, why do pets need to vomit everywhere? Seriously ! And I love the Bob Saget swear word.

I say it all the time…my kids are accidentally hilarious. I see that yours are as well! Glad to know that Jack has a willy…:)