“Dad, Does Our “Elf on the Shelf” Have a Penis?”

December 18, 2012 by Kyle

With three kids under the age of 12, our house often reminds me of a county fair demolition derby. I am constantly scratching my head and trying to figure out what I am witnessing in front of me. To quote the great Jack Buck from the ’88 World Series, “I don’t believe what I just saw (or heard).”

I think it’s a Christmas time thing, kids are excited about Christmas morning and school is almost out, and so their brains are a little fruit cakey. Here are 5 things that were said or done the past couple weeks in my home that left me saying under my breath “Say What???”. Drumroll please….

  • “Dad, the cat just puked under the Christmas tree.” Unfortunately, my eight year-old daughter actually said this again.
  • When my son is upset, his cuss word of choice is “Bob Saget”. True story, I can tell when he gets to a hard problem in his math homework because I hear the words “Bob Saget!” echo from his bedroom.
  • “Dad, does Jack (our Elf on the Shelf) have a penis?” Yes, my five year-old daughter said this the other day. My answer, “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not real.” In retrospect, I should have gone with “Seeing is believing honey, but since we can’t touch Jack I guess we’ll never know.”
  • “Dad, can you burp the words to Jingle Bells?” My answer, “Funny you should ask, why yes I can. Hit it!”
  • “Dad, can Santa Claus have kids of his own,” My wife rolled her eyes at me when I told my 11-year old son, “I think so, as long as his chestnuts aren’t completely roasted.”

Jack Update: Elf on the Shelf

Our buddy Jack left us a special treat this morning! My kids were stunned to say the least.

What have you heard or seen around your home that makes you stop and say “Say What”?

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18 Responses to ““Dad, Does Our “Elf on the Shelf” Have a Penis?””

  1. Glen @ Monster Piggy Bank on December 19th, 2012 5:33 am

    I love your post, it’s had me laughing so hard my wife had to come down and read what was so funny.

    I love your son’s choice of cuss word. I can see me going around bob sagetting at everyone!

  2. akbjroberts on December 19th, 2012 8:12 am

    LOL. I have never had kids, but you almost make me wish I had! Funny stories……

  3. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 8:35 am

    I’ll tell ya what, never a dull moment that’s for sure!

  4. [email protected] on December 19th, 2012 12:22 pm

    Ha! You had me at the title! My 3 year-old recently told everybody at my family’s Christmas gathering that “Someday, we will all die.” Yup…sure did…

  5. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 12:35 pm

    @ Greg- LOL, awkward much. Kids crack me up, especially at the age when they have absolutely no filter. Thanks for coming by!

  6. daniel on December 19th, 2012 12:51 pm

    My 5 year old says such crazy stuff on a regular basis we refer to them as “Ciaranisms” – I wish I kept remembering to write them down more often. All kids say weird things, but the really good stuff makes other people laugh, like this.

  7. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 12:57 pm

    @ Daniel – other people? I can barely keep a straight face most of the time which gets the “look” from my lovely wife!

  8. Mike on December 19th, 2012 1:42 pm

    I am going to use the Bob Saget thing. It really sounds like a bad word too.


  9. Kyle on December 19th, 2012 1:46 pm

    @ Mike – LOL, I know. A few of his buddies at school say it too and his teacher has banned “Bob Saget” because it was being overused which I can’t blame him for.

  10. BloggerFather on December 19th, 2012 8:37 pm

    Oh yes, I’m stealing Bob Saget.

  11. Mark on December 20th, 2012 12:14 am

    That’s the first time I have heard “Bob Saget” used as a cuss… funny though because of you ever go see Bob Saget’s live stand up comedy, the guy has a pretty foul mouth.

  12. Miss T @ Prairie Eco-Thrifter on December 20th, 2012 7:12 am

    I love these. They are hilarious. I don’t have kids yet but when I do I am sure I will have a list to share just like this.

  13. Joanna @ Our Freaking Budget on December 20th, 2012 8:24 am

    Haha, I love it. With responses like that, your kids are never going to quit asking questions! And what is it with kids and latching on to anatomically-correct terms? My five-year-old niece has had a recent fascination with the term “scrotum”….

  14. Gillian @ Money After Graduation on December 20th, 2012 9:07 am

    Oh my goodness. So funny, why do pets need to vomit everywhere? Seriously ! And I love the Bob Saget swear word.

  15. Kyle on December 20th, 2012 10:35 am

    @ BloggerFather – It’s all yours 😉

    @ Mark – I haven’t seen him live but saw him HBO and yeah, he was surprisingly “blue”.

    @ Miss T – Looking forward to your list someday!

    @ Joanna – It just kinda rolls of your tongue doesn’t it?

    @ Gillian – I know right? And of course it is like the hardest place in the house to try and clean it up, darn near knocked the tree over!

  16. Michelle on December 20th, 2012 11:19 am

    I say it all the time…my kids are accidentally hilarious. I see that yours are as well! Glad to know that Jack has a willy…:)

  17. [email protected] on December 22nd, 2012 8:58 am

    Well our elf has been determined to be a girl. I guess there is a little gender confusion with the body suit and all, so she certainly does not have a penis. Funny!

  18. Kyle on December 22nd, 2012 10:39 pm

    @ Michelle – Since I can’t touch him, I’ll never know for sure…

    @ Kim – Interesting, good to know!

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