It wasn’t all that long ago I was living the life of a college student. Top ramen, bed bugs, final exams, beer stains on the carpet, etc. This is obviously back-to-school time and everywhere I look I see advice for new college students. Most of it is written by gray hairs that have not been to school for 30 years and offer advice that is more obvious than the wart on your professor’s ear. It is with this in mind that I present ’50 Tips for College Students ONLY’, stuff you’ll never hear from news pundits and stuff many parents are way to embarrassed to bring up. Also, keep in mind that I am a guy, thus these tips take a guys slant on things, and yes, many of these are from my own personal experience from the hallowed halls of higher education. Good luck students, now go get’em!

1. Don’t schedule any classes before 9 a.m.
2. If your roommate has a medicinal marijuana card, find another roommate.
3. If you have a medicinal marijuana card, don’t schedule any classes before noon.
4. Don’t cook chicken in your dorm room.
5. Buy Purell in bulk from Costco.
6. Learn not to burn microwave popcorn. (Hint: Listen for the popping to almost stop)
7. Buy only wrinkle free clothing.
8. Take good notes.
9. Buy a good laptop.
10. Don’t put your drunk pictures on your Facebook page.
11. Don’t let people take pictures of you drunk.
12. Chase down and beat up anyone who takes pictures of you drunk.
13. If your roommate says “Hey, taste this.” Don’t do it.
14. Make studying your #1 priority.
15. In your first week on campus, find your “go to” quiet place to study.
16. Guys, girls dig a guy who can play the guitar.
17. Learn to play at least 1 song on the guitar.
18. Don’t keep chickens in your dorm room.
19. Use your professor’s office hours, they have them for a reason.
20. Keep track of your expenses so you don’t go broke every month.
21. Learn to scrounge for free or cheap food.
22. Related to #21, get to know the employees of the nearest Subway or Taco Bell.
23. Buy your textbooks used, or rent them. Never buy them new.
24. Only keep textbooks if you know for certain you will actually look at them again.
25. Textbooks are very heavy to move over and over again. (See #24)
26. Keep your closet organized just enough so you don’t ever go to class in only your tighty whities.
27. Just in case, always wear clean tighty whites.
28. You only need 1 credit card.
29. Use your credit card to establish good credit, not to extend your spending.
30. Never loan someone your credit card, I don’t care how hot she is.
31. Unless you play the guitar, never rely on your good looks for anything.
32. In a world with Copyscape.com, always give credit when credit is due.
33. Know your values and stick to them.
34. Never text in class.
35. Never call a girl when your in the bathroom.
36. Netflix is fun and cheap entertainment.
37. Stay away from anyone who is into sexting.
38. Friends before members of the opposite sex.
39. Remember that socks should not be able to stand on their own.
40. In a related note to #39, girls hate dorm rooms that smell like dirty socks.
41. Related to #40, wash your sheets more than once a semester.
42. Sit toward the front of your classes.
43. All you can eat restaurants are a good thing.
44. Don’t take a date to an all you can eat restaurant.
45. Your feet are not suppose to stick to your dorm room floor.
46. Despite what you might think, you don’t know everything.
47. Only date people who have the same attitude about college as you.
48. Only use your webcam to Skype with your parents.
49. Skype or call home at least once a week.
50. When you hear an adult say, “Enjoy your time in college, it’s the best time of your life.” Don’t assume it’s just hyperbole, because it isn’t!

Follow these tips and you’ll be just fine!

By Kyle James